MY HUSBAND WONT LET ME HAVE A HOME BIRTH
I write article in response to a post posted by a woman about her husband. He wont “let her have a home birth. My first unfiltered response is to get rid of the husband.
Here follows my second, filtered response.
In Australia we are fortunate to the right to self-determination and autonomy over decisions in relations to our health and body. Self determination means just that. You determine yourself what health care you will and choose or decline.
It is not your husband/partner’s place to give or deny you permission to make decisions about your body.
It saddens me when I hear women say “My husband won’t let me have a home birth” I say when he is the one giving birth then he has a right to make a decision about the birth place.
If he has any evidence that your decision is dangerous irresponsibly or potentially harmful to you or your baby then bring it on. I would love to hear his rational evidence based argument.
If his argument is based on ignorance, fear and control then it is those issues that need to be addressed.
This is actually one of easiest obstacles to overcome. If your partner is against home birth due to misinformation or inadequate knowledge on the birth process then we are blessed with a 9 month window of opportunity for education and information, for the debunking of myths and misconceptions about birth.
If he is unwilling to learn about pregnancy and birth then he does not have the right to dictate your choices.
Conversely, does he understand the benefits of home birth, the reduction of intervention, the improved bonding and breastfeeding opportunity, the advantages for other children, the simple benefits of being at home?
Time after time I have seen male partners who were initially concerned about home birth to be the biggest converts once informed and witness to the benefits to their partners, babies and themselves.
What is he afraid of? Birth? Mess? Peoples opinion? Not having medical professional present?
Partners often have very genuine reasons to fear birth. Those individual fears need to be addressed and discussed before birth. If his fears are going to hinder birth and get into your head it may be best he is not in the birth space at all.
I think this is more widely spread than we would like to admit.”Oh but I just want to protect her, It’s my responsibility as the big strong man to keep her safe.”
Hang on this is not about safety., We already know home birth is safe. So if he wants to keep you safe then he would be all for home birth.hmmm
Is he used to being in control of decisions in the relationship? Is he used to being the one who decides where you live, what will be on the menu, how recreation time should be spent and more? If so you have a bigger issue beyond the birth of this baby.
Your body, mind soul and spirit are not his to control or make decisions about.
But, it’s his baby too!
Of course it is his baby too. All the more reason for him to support safe evidence based care.
He has trusted you to conceive and grow this child so he needs to trust our ability to birth it and make choices in the best interests of this child.
As women we do not need another persons permission to home birth. Not our partners, parents, doctors any more than a complete stranger.
In fact the opposite is true. Our loved ones and health care professionals have a responsibility to respect our choice.