After consideration, reflection and a damn good talking to I have decided to return to Midwifery.This is an update for those of you following my personal journey.
The crash and burn
After I crashed and burned with a resounding thud late last year it took several months to rest heal and pick myself up. I described my crash n several posts including the one on Resilience but lets not dwell
Resting and Reflecting
There was introspection and reflection along with time out from people, work and responsibility. I spent time physically and mentally resting and healing with a combination of physical therapy, diet, exercise and of course my writing here.
One day in January, I broke down and cried with sadness and loss in my psychologist’s office. When describing the combination of factors leading to my burnout I casually I mentioned the birth of Lily and how her birth stirred my soul. Her birth reminded me how much I love pregnancy and birth and supporting women during these times.
I tried to brush it off and move onto other topics that contributed to my emotional breakdown but she pulled me back until I addressed the issue of what I myself described as my “Soul work”.
A few weeks later Mason came along. He was born in my training hospital and under the care of the Community Midwife Team I used to work in and once managed. I met him minutes after his birth in one of the labour wards I used to work in surrounded by fellow colleagues.
As surreal as that was it was also familiar and tugged my heartstrings even more. One of my old work buddies asked me what I was doing. I explained my role and even to me it sounded so odd and wrong. Where was the Wendy who had lived and breathed Midwifery care?
Don’t get me wrong. I have genuinely enjoyed the last 5 years working in Administration. I have learned so much about the bigger picture of health care, about the system of health care in Australia, compliance, and how to effectively make real change.
Quitting as an elite form of self care
Thinking that rest alone was enough, I tried to go back to work in hospital administration after about 2 months off but I hated it. With a heavy heart I resigned as the particular role was hurting me, the commute, the hours, the lack of purpose. I could not do the role justice and was not an engaged employee. So I quit as I wrote in my post here.
Moving forward was full of uncertainty and fear as I wondered how to function with productivity and what to do with myself that provided purpose and belonging. I considered taking an adult gap year but this is not quite the best financial option at the moment. I decided if I am ever going to return to Midwifery, now is the time.
Return to Midwifery
Last Monday I returned to the workforce as a midwife. I was quite nervous returning to a previous employer and team but instantly reassured by the open kindness and welcoming words. To my surprise and delight there has been a sense of coming home.
Please be aware that I cannot and will not post about my place of employment or the work I do there on this blog or any other social media platform. I am very clear on the boundaries between the two.
This blog remains my personal writings and opinions about birth, feminism, health and life and completely separate from my paid work role.