New Year’s Resolutions: Do you make them?
An ABC article online discusses why New Year’s Resolutions as so hard to keep, the article is here for those interested.
The article proposes that New Year’s resolutions are about trying to break habits, which we all know is damn hard and requires an appropriate motivator.
I think we would be better placed to take ta glass half full approach and resolve to create a positive change rather than break a negative one. That is to make a resolution to start something rather than stop something.
This is in general my approach to most things in life. Choose the positive or affirmative path rather than the negative.Back to my parenting advice rant. Let’s call it Parenting Femidist Style 101. I spoke last week about parenting with consistence. Link
A trick I learnt when my first two were toddlers was to word instructions or requests to my children in the positive rather than the negative. This takes some practice but soon rolls off the tongue automatically.
Here are a few examples. My sons name has been changed here to protect his identity. Bahaha
Example 1. Toddler whining incessantly in supermarket for whatever toy, treat, freedom, attention they want.
Negative response: “Stop whining!” This is negative because the childe hears the two words “Stop” and “Whining” The child will continue the behaviour it hears you say. Stop is a negative word, so is whining. That is what they hear and that is exactly what they will continue doing.
Positive response: “Talk in a nice voice please”. Now, you can’t just say this in a pathetic, disinterested voice while you gaze at the shopping list of rows of chocolate you are tempted to load into the trolley. You, as the grown up in this situation need to pause, give the child your attention, eyes contact and speak in a clear frim voice.
Example 2. Child wipes snotty nose with sleeve across while face
Negative response “Don’t do that!” or “Of FFS Johnny Really?!” or “Don’t use your sleeve!”
Positive response: “Here Johnny, let’s use a tissue.” Or “Please use a tissue to wipe your nose”. All in the positive or affirmative. State what you want the child to do rather than what you don’t want them to do.
Example 3 Child points new toy water gun or nurf gun directly at nannas’ head inside. (Why the fuck you brought the kid a gun in the first place is a whole other post)
Negative response “Don’t shoot that thing in here” Seriously you think they are going to listen to that!?
Positive response. “Let’s take that outside honey and see if we can hit the target” Now follow this up immediately with action and escort young Johnny outside and play with him. Remember consistency and your actions must follow the intent of your words.
Anyways this started as a post on New Year resolutions so that’s enough parenting advice for now.
As I was saying rather than try and delete, remove, restrict a bad habit I think I am more likely to succeed if I choose to include a positive change or two.
I am not going to stop swearing or restrict calories or quit sugar (completely). I was going to restrict coffee to two cups a day. I know that resolution is not going to stick so do all of you who know me J. Phew, that’s already a relief.
Instead I am going to implement a success plan for achieving my daily goals. My daily goals are simple but important and monitoring them and checking off a box for each provides my organised personality a sense of order and achievement. If you think the positive reinforcement of a sheet of ticked boxes is weird and anal….. that’s me.
If you want to play along here is the link to a printable template
My sweet partner’s goal is to become one of the hundred. You know, “We surveyed 100 people and the top 8 answers are on the board” Come on I know you watch it. Apparently you don’t have to be part of the studio audience for that one but can contribute online. I love it!
Happy New Year Everyone!